Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Unicorn flatulence responsible for global warming

Yup, that's right. The gas from the ass of your favorite horned critter is responsible for the melting polar ice caps, the increased tropical distubances, and everything else associated with the very real phenomenon of global warming.

Additionally, I've come to realize that the true driving force behind the neoconservative agenda lies within the desires of a mutant clan of Pacific Northwest Tree Octopi that have developed the ability to communicate with crazed neocons via telepathy (ever wonder what was really going on inside Dubya's brain when he'd claim that he speaks to God?).

Oh, and the consumption of neon pink cauliflower is to blame for most degenerative diseases in America.

Now, anyone reading all of this with at least 2 or 3 functioning brain cells would realize that these statements are total bullshit. One cannot place blame for our problems onto things that do not exist. Unicorns don't exist, meaning that there is no way in hell that their gas could effect global warming. In fact, non-existant critters don't have gas.

If anyone were to actually make a serious claim that something non-existant is to blame for, say, the disaster in New Orleans, then they would either:

a) not have at least 2 or 3 functioning brain cells, or...
b) they are engaged in promoting a rather weak political agenda by means of deception and other forms of flat out bullshit (I'd say unicorn shit, but I'm afraid that it doesn't exist)

Enter Michael Parenti. This authoritarian jackass (jackasses DO exist) actually had the gall to blame the free market for the disasterous situation in New Orleans. If he's gonna be so absurd, why doesn't he throw in a bunch of Pacific Northwest Tree Octopi and throw some of the blame at them too? He must realize that his readers have more than 2 or 3 functioning brain cells, but still don't happen to know squat about free markets, which is how he's able to get away with writing such horseshit (which not only exists, but smells to boot).

I'm not in a real intellectual mood today, so I thought I'd simply mock Mr. Parenti and his filthy column. If you're looking for some serious thrashing of his nonsense, you can check out retorts by both Kevin Carson and Drizzten.


Blogger Vache Folle said...

We need somehow to rescue the term "free market" from both its enemies and some of its friends. Or perhaps we might abandon the term altogether to both its pejorative and vulgar connotations (these are two sides of the same coin, I reckon) and come up with something more descriptive of what we mean. I propose "the real free market". The "the" will be mandatory, as in "The American University".

3:36 PM  
Blogger freeman said...

I hate the idea of having to abandon terminology though, especially terminology that was ours to begin with.

Aside from the false notion of "free markets" understood by lefties and vulgarites, I'm also becoming aware of another usage of "free market", one used by liberals and lefties who believe that a free market needs to have certain regulations (which of course makes no sense). RFK Jr. falls into this category, and I recently posted an interview with John Perry Barlow that expressed a similar false notion of free markets. Earlier today I noticed a leftie blogger who actually made the recognition that corporate capitalists are not fond of real free markets, but then this guy promoted the same type of regulated "free market" that Barlow and JFK Jr. promoted. He then stated that an unregulated free market would be anarchy (a bad thing in his mind) that would eventually result in the creation of a super rich class.

Just like with the term freedom itself, it seems as if everybody is coming up with their own definitions of "free market".

I already try to make the distinction between a real free market and faux "free markets", but there are times when the word voluntary seems more appealing than the word free. I'm not aware of any competing definitions of voluntary trade or markets. Then again, the word voluntary doesn't do as good of a job at establishing a regulation-free framework either. With time, there might be people declaring their desire for voluntarism, but with regulations of some sort.

Dealing with political terminology can be pure insanity!

8:27 PM  

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